Posts made by Kestrel

@Selira said in Do you care about other people's music?:

I've found a ton of things I probably never would have found otherwise through using Spotify.

It was pretty much a lifechanger for me.

I like Spotify for similar reasons.

A friend of mine boycotts Spotify for political reasons, that being that they don't pay artists fairly.

However, considering I never would've heard of many of these small-time artists without the help of Spotify, and I happily spend money on them far more directly by buying concert tickets and so on, my own conscience feels pretty clear on it.

@Pandora said in Do you care about other people's music?:

Please never ask me to listen to anything though, I can't get those 2-5 minutes back so the answer will always be no, and I will resent you for making me crush your fleeting hope.

Hi please listen to this song it reminds me of you

Looking back on an old character's notes three years later and laughing because of how redonkulous some of them seem today.

2016: this sweet innocent character likes to volunteer at homeless shelters and help the helpless and is trying to be a better person

[ several traumas and bad influences later ]

2019: i eat people

@Rinel said in Do you care about other people's music?:

I like this game!

Can't fit all of them on here obvs.

Wanted to give other people a chance to respond before I shared my own stance on this, but I'm actually somewhat in between. ( @Goblin I did try editing the poll after to include a "sometimes" option but don't know how to do that. Anyway, getting more polar responses to a poll is usually more interesting when it comes to light-hearted topics.)

I care about other people's music/playlists and will listen to them only if I actually like their taste in music.

There are genres of music that I just can't relate to and give me a headache. In those cases I tend to find it a bit annoying if they share tracks my way, and it feels like a chore to listen so as to be a good friend. I'd rather just read the lyrics if it's a character I care about.

If we have the same taste in music, though, I'll happily listen to their entire playlist, even if it's 100 songs long and we've only RPed once.

I find it can often be a good bonding experience on an OOC level, too. If someone posts a Gin Wigmore song for their character I get all excited and want to hit them up to fangirl together. I've sometimes specifically sought out characters that I otherwise would not have thought to approach just because their playlist made me think they seem interesting and fun. (A choice played-by also has this effect sometimes; I don't care how "hot" the played-by is, but if it's an obscure played-by from a film/show I really like or something it'll get me excited.)

With this caveat in mind, people sharing a tracklist for their character does enhance my experience/enjoyment/understanding of their RP.

Just don't be that bozo who sets their music to autoplay or something, this isn't the 90s.

For extra bonus points if we have the same taste in music and you link me a song that makes you think of my character and/or our characters' dynamic, you are now my best friend for the day. (I had an IC romance going on with a fellow Hozier fangirl once, it was fucking magical. She sent me Take Me To Church and I cri everytime.)

Extremely. Basically critical.

If I don't feel like my character is "needed" I immediately lose interest in them. I don't think this is very normal in that I see lots of people wanting to make the same generic good-looking vampire/noblelady etc. as everyone else on most games, but that's how I feel about it.

It's not just about being "needed" by other people; I want to feel like I'm filling in a niche role and helping to balance the demographic, sure, but I also want to feel ... special? Original. While I realise there's no new idea under the sun, when I come up with a character concept I like to think it's the greatest idea anyone's ever come up with and when I then roll in to discover there are ten others exactly like me, I get bummed out.

Private confession time: on the 100 MUSH, I rolled an Earth Skills nerd and when I realised @GirlCalledBlu had actually beaten me to it I almost wanted to reroll. This is of course not her fault at all, just a quirk of mine. I have a need to be the only one doing a certain thing, but I was able to carve out my own niche in other ways, despite that.

This is part of the reason why I usually like playing underdogs, 90lb weaklings, less conventionally attractive characters, older/mature characters, poor people, etc.

I didn't play Arx for very long (not because I don't think it's a very good game, it just wasn't my theme of choice) but when I did I specifically went for a commoner. I like being a foil for others and don't really see the appeal of playing a lord in a game where you can't actually lord over anyone, since everyone else is a lord/lady too.

When rolling into a new game I tend to ask staff/players what type of character they think is currently "needed". Although I think it's very kind of them to do so, I always get a little bit annoyed when someone tells me "just play what you like to play!" Because what I like to play is, in fact, whatever happens to be most needed at any given point.

Intended as a light-hearted topic so let's hopefully not have anyone taking anything too seriously!

It always feels a bit pretentious to call myself a music-addict because I feel like most people are. I do know some people who through their own admission don't actually like music, but I assume they're just dead inside.

I basically need music to function. It gets me in the zone to do whatever it is I need to do at any given moment, inspires so many ideas, relaxes me when I've had a bad day, and pumps me up for a good one. Naturally if I'm making a character I quickly associate them with a few (or hundred) of my favourite tracks — if I can't find the right songs for a character, that's usually a bad sign for me that I'm having some trouble connecting with them and haven't yet found their "voice" in my writing.

All of this is normal, right? I know lots of people who feel this way about music and their characters, so I know I'm not special.

What I'm sort of wondering though is: does anyone actually care about other people's music? You like listing tracks on your character's wiki page, sure, but are you actually going to bother listening to someone else's playlist, and does that at all enhance your experience/understanding/enjoyment of their character? Or is it mostly just an annoying, mastubatory exercise in self-indulgence, one of those things where we're all waiting for our turn to talk/share?

I love sharing my music but I always worry that I'm just being obnoxious, wasting my time, other people's time, and space on my page — plus, making it easier for other people to suss out who I'm playing, which I sometimes like to keep under the radar.

Thoughts?

@RDC said in Cyberrun:

I will echo anecdotally what @Pyrephox said. My abuser showed no signs of being a pedophile. Just very willing to take advantage of an already-abused child who desperately wanted to think someone loved him (and, in the face of what in retrospect was complete asexuality - desperately wanted to think he was "normal", IE, heterosexual). And who was protected by a society who saw male child + adult woman as a net win for the male child. The problem is not, as others have said, people writing taboo porn together online. It's kids getting abused. But keep focusing your anger on people who don't pass your purity test instead of people who hurt kids. It shows us EXACTLY where your "priorities" are.

Just because one heap doesn't smell as foul as the other doesn't mean they're not both shit. Or that since we want to be rid of one, we should tolerate the other.

Whataboutism

I think a lot of people on this thread defending the game on the grounds of "kids can't play here" are missing the point.

Adults can play there. Adults who, thanks to this game, have a safe space to explore their child-rape fantasies and build up further justifications in their head for why child-rape is actually normal and OK. Justifications like "they're an old soul", "this child is actually really mature for their age, more mature and wise beyond their years than many adults I know", through the metaphor of "it's an 18 year old in an 8 year old's body". Or "this isn't abuse because I was abused and I know what actual abuse looks like" — said by literally every abuser ever, ugh.

I was a kid too once, I had a fancy education, was ahead of my class, and physically developed, both in terms of height and sexual attributes, much faster than most of my peers.

I was still a kid in terms of emotional maturity as much as I never would have let any boring old grown-up tell me so at the time. Something that took adulthood for me to look back on and grapple with as I evaluate all the ways in which I, thinking myself so smart and savvy and mature and capable for my age, allowed myself to be taken advantage of by people who validated all of these incorrect notions of my younger self.

This game is super fucked up. Sorry not sorry. And even if you don't agree or don't see what the big fuss is about letting people play "sexually mature" children to live out their darkest fantasies through on this game, I still just have to wonder why this is the hill you choose to die on. Why can't you just listen to the criticisms and think, 'OK, that's a fair point. Maybe I don't fully understand it but as an adult attracted to adult bodies anyway, it's not a big deal for me to just make/play a game that focuses on that to be on that to be on the safe side.' Unless there's a specific reason you're fighting so hard to defend your "right" to indulge in child-rape fantasies?

And to everyone on this thread acting like paedophilia is something we can all agree on and that we should just assume no one here actually thinks paedophilia is OK: wow, you are sheltered.

Just because people don't go around waving "proud paedophile" flags doesn't mean we don't live in a culture that normalises the sexualisation of children and tacitly accepts it, or that we as a society do remotely enough as is currently to protect children from sexual abuse and exploitation. This stuff is happening around you, every single one of you reading this. You know paedophiles in real life. You know children who are currently being sexually abused. You know adults who were abused as children. Just because you don't see it, aren't aware of it, don't know you know such people doesn't mean it isn't happening, doesn't mean a lot of the people discreetly trying to normalise the mental/behaviour patterns aren't harbouring ulterior, pro-paedophile motives in doing so.

Kinks don't exist in a vacuum. I know, because I have some that I'm not proud of. (Thank fuck not that one.) I used to be proud of it, I used to think it was normal, I used to actively indulge it on text-games and IRL. Thankfully I'm now seeing a solid therapist who's prompted me to think critically about why I think these things are sexy, what was the first time I came into contact with it, what's the reason I think these things are OK and normal and what kinds of relationships/behaviour does that foster between me and others. It's not a fun thing to face up to. It's not easy to work on. But everyone should think critically about these things for not only their sake but for the sake of others.

In the case of people who are into "ageplay" and child-rape fantasies, for the sake of kids you interact with — work on yourselves. Don't indulge it, don't just fall into the trap of thinking this is fine and safe and normal. You're protecting your maladaptive coping mechanisms at the expense of your actual safety, and the safety of those around you.

Games like this also do not exist in a vacuum. Pop culture does not exist in a vacuum. Nothing that normalises questionable tastes/behaviour, be it the abuse of adults or children, should be left unquestioned.

So I question this game and the people who see nothing wrong with indulging in child-rape fantasies, I really do. I worry about the children that they have access to. Much as I question media that fetishises the abuse of women, or normalises bigoted stereotypes, and the kinds of people who produce or exalt it.

Peace.

Playing in a game run by a friend.

It's not something I do often. Actually, it's not something I would say I have ever done.

It has occurred to me before that over the course of playing a game I have happened to befriend staff-members, but that's different, and I have never had the experience, until now, of playing a game run by someone I've known for years prior to be solid people.

Some would imagine I might want this for special treatment, but no.

It's just a huge relief after so many bad experiences over the years to know for a fact that the game I'm playing is run by someone trustworthy, genuine, intelligent, entertaining, kind and stable.

I don't have any doubts and I don't have any worries about when/if I might discover this game and its staff are actually shit and that I might have to walk. I'm not worried about what might happen if I get harassed on this game and don't know how to deal with it. I feel confident and safe from the get. That's a really nice, refreshing change of pace.

Getting to support a loved one's creation? Added bonus.

This happened a few months ago, but I've been reflecting on it ever since, and I'm in regular contact with all of the players who were involved.

My character, Bob*, was in a long-term, monogamous, but currently celibate (and sexual-tension-filled) relationship with Mrs Jones*, who was trapped in a loveless, abusive arranged marriage with Mr Jones*.

During an event where no one could remember their true identity, Mrs Jones ended up hooking up with Bob's best friend, Dick*.

Once everyone got their memories back, Bob attacked his best friend Dick in a fit of jealous rage. Dick, being a dick, has since made a few mean jabs here and there about how much fun he and Mrs Jones had, which never fails to make Bob grumpy and surly and a bit pathetic. Mr Jones of course also came knocking and threatened to murder Dick, which Bob had a hard time mustering the civility to stand shoulder-to-shoulder with his best friend for.

All of the characters involved in this situation are played by people I OOCly adore.

Everyone had a good time and laughed about it.

We still talk about it fondly now and then.

The more I talk to other people OOCly about various awkward drama/jealousy/triangle situations they've had leave a horrible taste in their mouth and ruin their game experience, the more I find myself reflecting on this particular story because I appreciate how rare that is. The cheating here was ICly motivated and ICly reacted to. That was all. There was no bleed-over whatsoever.

So MU things I love: players I can have these kinds of complicated scenes/stories with, with absolute trust that dramatic storytelling will never result in any kind of OOC resentment or awkwardness.

If you have friends you can enjoy IC tension with while always remaining chummy behind the scenes? Hold onto them. They are worth their weight in gold.

asterisks* = names changed to protect the players involved.

P.S. to the players involved, if you recognise this story and your role in it, I love you all and hope to continue telling many more complex stories with you over the years and enjoying our shared tension and wacky hijinks.

When someone you knew was shady finally gets banned. JUSTICE.

One alternative I would suggest, if you don't want to go to HR, @Pandora, but are on good terms with him outside of work — privately confront him about his behaviour?

Another thing to bear in mind is that facts don't actually win arguments. A phrase I learned in outreach training is people will forget the things you said, but they will always remember how you made them feel.

I assume you have already soundly bested him on every front when it comes to bogus statistics etc. And I'm sure you could link him a bunch of studies that disprove him. But a better question to ask isn't why he's misinformed, honestly, it's who hurt him and how. I'm willing to bet he has some deep-seated issues with women that inform his beliefs, rather than the other way around.

So if you want to have any hope of changing his mind (rather than just his behaviour, in which case HR is your best bet), I'd say forget the facts and figures and try and connect with him on an emotional level to understand where his agenda comes from.

That said considering he's 30 years old, there's a slim chance of that to begin with and I'd be more likely to just cut my losses and walk away, because I agree with @Coin that it doesn't really matter how fun he is at videogames.

I don't take a middle-ground when it comes to people who hold sexist beliefs (with the minor caveat that that there is a difference between ignorance and wilful ignorance). You either think women are people or you don't. It's that simple.

I don't want to be friends with anyone who doesn't think of, or treat me, as people.

I worked in field science; which, for the uninitiated, is the jocks' table of the science world / academia, compared to the nerd's corner that is lab science. It was white male-dominated and physically demanding, with a strong bro-culture of whey-chugging rugged-wildman-machismo, casual sexism/homophobia, etc. The toxicity ruined what was otherwise a dream job for me.

You can't expect to change something like that overnight, but you also don't need to overthink it. The simplest tips that would have made a world of difference for me are:

• Listen to women
  &
• Read a room

Women aren't an alien species. We really don't have any kind of unique set of wants you need to be particularly attentive to. We just wanna be treated like people (i.e., not on the basis of our sex/gender) and it's really that simple.

In theory, women should let you know if something makes them uncomfortable, but the problem is that calling something out often puts us at risk of being conflated with the issue we're drawing attention to; the blame is placed on us, for complaining about it, rather than on the source of the actual problem.

e.g., Kestrel is a loud-mouthed feminist who's constantly complaining about how we do things around here.

Rather than:

Our sexist work culture is making our valued employees feel unsafe and unwelcome, and impacting their productivity/satisfaction.

Women know this. Any woman who's ever held a job, especially in a male-dominated field, is likely to at some point have been the target of inappropriate sex/gender-based harassment, and learned the hard way that attempting to resolve the issue often puts them, rather than the person they're complaining about, at risk.

@Arkandel, even if you think that's not a concern that women should have under your employ, they aren't going to intuitively know that and if they're older than say, 18, are going to err on the side of caution when it comes to protecting themselves vs. just being willing to put up with a certain amount of shit.

This is why it falls on you, as someone who cares, to listen to women and read a room.

A woman who's uncomfortable at work isn't likely to outright say it. By the time she does, you can bet it's because she's already reached her upper tolerance limit for politely ignoring the issue.

So if at some point during a meeting she says, politely, even with a smile, playing it off as humour, any statement along these lines:

• 'Don't interrupt me.'
• 'Thank you for your input. As I was saying ...'
• 'Let me finish.'
• 'That's not appropriate.'
• 'Yes, I think I suggested that earlier.' (after someone tries to play off her idea as theirs)
• 'Is that all you think about?' (in RE: sex jokes etc.)

Or if you notice she's been trying to say something for a while and keeps getting cut off, or is looking uncomfortable, leaning away from someone who's "being hilarious", frowning at their jokes while everyone else in the room is laughing ...

Don't assume it's harmless. Don't assume it's all in good fun.

If you're arbitrating a discussion, it's your job to let people know when they're taking up too much space. If you notice someone's been trying to speak for a while, cut off the person who's interrupting them and express that you'd like the other person to have the floor. I'll do this even if I'm not arbitrating; point to a person and say, 'I think x had something they wanted to say.'

If you're in doubt, you can always ask your employee/colleague to catch up with you in private later, after a meeting, to touch base. 'I notice [potential issue], is everything OK? Would you let me know if [person/issue] was making you uncomfortable?'

And if someone comes to you with a complaint without invitation, even if they do so with a smile and assure you it's no big deal — take it seriously.

That's really all you need to do to create an inclusive work environment for all genders.

@Wretched @Cupcake Adding in my support/agreement.

I had my first diagnosis/prescription in my mid-teens and it has taken a long, long time to find the right chemical and therapeutic balance that works for me.

If prozac doesn't work, don't get discouraged. Talk to your shrink. It may not be the right prescription for you. "Depression" is a pretty broad diagnosis that's comorbid with many, many other mental (and even physical) health conditions and it can take a while to figure out your exact causes/needs.

Also if you have any reservations about your psychiatrist/therapist, if you feel like they don't listen to you, etc., know that they are also not your only option. There are many others in the profession and it's worth finding a person you feel totally comfortable with, who specialises in what you're going through. (Google is your friend.) You can be as specific as you like and no one can tell you you're wrong about your needs. For example, a trans friend of mine found working with another trans person made a world of difference. For me, it took a lot of experimentation to figure out which type of therapy I needed (not the one-size-fits-all CBT) and I've realised I'm more comfortable with other women. Explore your options. Don't settle.

P.S.: Nice cat.

I'm a little bit disappointed that Killing Eve has been renewed for a third season.

Not because it isn't an amazing show that deserves all the accolades/attention it gets; it is.

It's just that the season two finale was so damn perfect, and I really couldn't see any other way for this show to have ended, that it feels like a shame to not end on that high note at this point.

***=Very Big Bad Spoiler***

@Taika said in What do you eat?:

Sadly, it's a thing in the system. Animal testing is often unnecessary, but it's built in. You have to prove that it won't cause cancer or whatever, to prove to laws and regulations that the product won't harm people. It sucks, but it is what it is until the regulations change.

Beyond didn't test. ‍️

I'd rather people eat Impossible burgers than cow burgers, and I'd be pleased for them to do well and become mainstream — in the grand scheme of things, 200 rats is preferable to 60bn animals annually. But as a personal preference, I won't support or invest in them, and hope their immediate competition (Beyond) does better.

<— Vegan AF. For the animals, for the planet, for health & longevity, for a sustainable future.

Currently building a vegan startup and have been heavily involved in vegan activism/outreach for a good few years now. I made the switch 6.5 years ago and regularly attend meetups, festivals, talks and marches, so I'd say I'm pretty familiar with the broader vegan community. (Especially as I've been building contacts for my business.)

Thoughts on Impossible & Beyond:

• I don't like Impossible because they needlessly tested on (and killed) animals for no apparent reason.
• Despite this I support cultured meat and think it's a great way forward for the animals and the planet.
• I don't have any interest in eating fake meat, because whole-food plant-based (WFPB, google it) meals are healthier and I do care about that too. However, I think it's great to have the option of vegan junk food for transitioners and I'll definitely try it at least once out of curiosity.
• I think plant-based proteins such as Impossible and Beyond (my pick being Beyond, obviously) are a very smart investment, and I am trying to grow my nestegg this way.
• Of the vegans I know and talk to (many), I would say about 99% are supportive of cultured meat innovations etc. A third, like me, say they wouldn't want to eat it, mostly due to a visceral gross factor, but they still recognise this'll save many animals and are glad for it.

@jibberthehut and anyone else interested in delicious vegan recipes:

• This is my favourite from before I went WFPB. It's vegan, but should be viewed as a "treat" (a very, very delicious treat) as it's made with coconut oil and therefore pretty high in saturated fat. It does also have a good deal of protein though and I think your toddler will like it. I've made it many, many times, it's super easy and I've only ever gotten overwhelmingly positive feedback for it. Peanut Butter Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Bites
• Healthier recipe sites: Clean Food Dirty Girl, Forks Over Knives
• An extremely supportive, wholesome Facebook group for health-focused transitioners, with really great moderation and a no judgement/shaming ethos: Clean Food Dirty Girl Private Group
• Three amazing YouTube channels for vegan recipes: Raw. Vegan. Not Gross. (Healthy recipes), Pick Up Limes (Healthy recipes & wellness tips, run by a registered dietician), Avant Garde Vegan (less health focused, just good food)
• A complete resource for the hows, whys & whats of going vegan, with recipes, product lists etc. Specific to the UK, US and Australia. (Pick your location at the top.) Veganuary

I enjoy helping people go vegan and if anyone needs any tips/advice etc., feel free to tag or PM me.

(Don't PM me to argue about it though, thanks.)

Here is a better version of S8 E5.

***Why this season was awful, viewed through a lens of real world understanding of war, politics and violence.***