RL Anger

Catsmeow

Oh sweet mother....

I could write a ton that my mother discouraged when I was growing up, etc. From what clothing to wear to what toys to play with to what I should or shouldn't do.

In HS, I wanted to go into International Business. I took languages. I took core business classes beyond my accelerated classes. My mother told me it wasn't a realistic goal and told me maybe I should be a teacher or a nurse.

So.... yeah.

Misadventure

http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/MyBelovedSmother isn't a bad place to start.
http://www.afterpsychotherapy.com/the-narcissistic-mother/
http://www.chicagotribune.com/redeye/redeye-14-worst-movie-moms-20160728-story.html

Paris

@Catsmeow said in RL Anger:

@Auspice

Oh sweet mother....

I could write a ton that my mother discouraged when I was growing up, etc. From what clothing to wear to what toys to play with to what I should or shouldn't do.

Likewise, mine micro-managed every aspect of my appearance, toys, the way I stood, moved, what I ate, etc. Was very discouraging of breaking out of the rigid mold she set and kicked me out at 16 when I started to shut down.

Auspice

@Misadventure said in RL Anger:

http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/MyBelovedSmother isn't a bad place to start.
http://www.afterpsychotherapy.com/the-narcissistic-mother/
http://www.chicagotribune.com/redeye/redeye-14-worst-movie-moms-20160728-story.html

During the lecture.

"If my mother ever told me I couldn't do something, I'd just go out and prove to her otherwise!"
"Well, that's sort of the whole point of my script."
"Oh."

I'm not sure how she never got that from the part of my log line where it said "...out to prove to her mother..." but THERE YOU GO.

Zobi

@Auspice When I was a little girl, I wanted to be a wildlife photographer for magazines, like, for instance, National Geographic or whatever. My mother told me that I couldn't do that because I'd be eaten by lions. Exact words. Eaten by lions. So, I decided I wanted to be an intrepid explorer like Indiana Jones, except female, and go into archaeology. NOPE! Yet, again my darling mother once more told me that I'd be eaten by lions or die in some horrific way and that my desire was just awful and I should do something else, something safe and tame.

Clearly, your professor has no idea what the hell they are talking about There are plenty of mothers out there who will discourage and downright trample the dreams/wishes/desires of their children for a myriad of reasons. I'm sorry this person is doing this to you. Your story idea sounds brilliant and for a teacher who is teaching about writing, I'm disappointed they are so narrow-minded.

surreality

@Auspice I am going to be a hypocrite right now in a huge way, because if anybody gets the 'this one person whose opinion matters is shitting all over me' misery, well... <raises her hand> ...I feel you.

But don't do it. Let me be a cautionary tale, here, if nothing else.

Yes, there's a risk due to the pass/fail, but ffs, her logic is straight up insane. (And she has clearly never met my mother, who thinks every new idea I have is a bad idea, even in circumstances soooooo less dramatic than that.)

See if there's someone you can appeal to about this. Do it proactively. Do it now. Her personal views on parenting have nothing to do with the subject she's teaching, and they are in no way even remotely representative of the real world.

Auspice

@surreality

I hate sacrificing artistic integrity, I really do. And I probably would've just stuck to writing my story, esp since classmates liked it. But I think I got through to her in the workshop, thankfully.

I think, for whatever reason, she just wasn't actually paying full attention to what I was writing. Like maybe she was just sort of glossing over all my other treatments/outlines so far.

Which sadly meant I had to argue my story while suffering a massive migraine and in the midst of an anxiety attack, so I almost snapped at the woman. But we finally ended up on the same page and all is well, but jfc.

At least I saw that I was not the only one she was arguing some insane stuff with. She is definitely one of those people whose life went the "those who can't, teach" route (I am not saying everyone who teaches is this way, but there are some who exemplify it). $:\$

surreality

@Auspice I offer you all the hugs in the world, I really do. Bluntly: shit needs to be less hard on a lot of us lately, and I wish like hell it was so. If there's anything I can do to help, feel free to poke.

Auspice

@surreality

Right now? I'd just take this flu to be over. It's been ravaging my system for over a week.. to the point I'm starting to wonder if it's something !flu. $:\$ But the urgent care doc felt it was still 'just the flu.'

Meg

i woke up with a migraine, not enough sleep, and my glasses broken. the apple store is still being a bitch to publish this app to and i am getting thrown under the bus at work for.

Meg

@Meg and now one of my coworkers is being a condescending asshole on top of everything. my friend who is supposed to be on my side. i didn't sign up for this shit.

Ghost

@Meg tell them if they don't step off youre gonna tell Ghost, and they don't want that.

Hang in there, Meg

Sparks

@Meg said in RL Anger:

@Meg and now one of my coworkers is being a condescending asshole on top of everything. my friend who is supposed to be on my side. i didn't sign up for this shit.

poaches Meg, drags to Seattle

Auspice

@Sparks said in RL Anger:

@Meg said in RL Anger:

@Meg and now one of my coworkers is being a condescending asshole on top of everything. my friend who is supposed to be on my side. i didn't sign up for this shit.

poaches Meg, drags to Seattle

I approve.

Cupcake

So everybody under the sun knows I have this greyhound, I love him to bits, I talk about him constantly. I got him from a local rescue, and their rather sizeable kennel is only about 20-30 minutes from my house. I got to their quarterly Spa Day events (a bath and nail trim for greyhounds, $25 and it goes to funding the rescue), I volunteer at their booth during a local annual festival, and have on occasion shown up to volunteer at booths at various pet stores.

With that in mind, I have had a hard time shaking the feeling that those involved in the group look down on me. I am in a lower financial bracket than most of the other owners, I have to count my pennies and that means I can't give my dog all of the things that apparently they feel he should be entitled to, and I've had to learn the way to interact with him and understand him properly over time.

Here's an example: the most recent Spa Day came up, and because money was tight and Rock really needed a bath, I decided to go and just get the bath done, and then later in the week when I got paid I could take him to the local PetSmart and get his nails trimmed for only $4 more than I would have paid at the kennel. The nail folks at the kennel were going through dogs quickly, and the lady coordinating it - I'll call her Y - asks me if Rock is getting his nails.

"No, just the bath today." I tell her, and she looks at Rock and starts insisting that his nails are getting quite long and he really needs it done. There are other people sitting there, in earshot, and I don't want to explain to her that the extra $10 I'd need to fork over needs to go into my gas tank. I insist again that we'll get it done later, and she cuts the price in half, which...is more viable, but will still make things a bit more difficult for me. But she keeps pushing, and I feel ashamed, so I say yes.

These people constantly make me feel awkward and incompetent, and I try very hard to determine whether this is just me projecting my own insecurities or if this is actually snobbery. I also have no idea how to communicate with people and explain how this makes me feel without coming off like a drama queen. I want to work with the group, but it's hard to do when I'm made to feel like the grubby cousin who never should have gotten a dog in the first place.

RnMissionRun

They use these high pressure sales tactics because they are effective. They make you feel bad for not getting the service for your pet, then you feel compelled to "prove" what a good and responsible pet owner you are by getting it even though you might not want it or might not be able to afford it. Works every time.

Cupcake

@RnMissionRun said in RL Anger:

They use these sales tactics because they are effective. They make you feel bad for not getting the service for your pet, then you feel compelled to "prove" what a good and responsible pet owner you are by getting it even though you might not want it or might not be able to afford it. Works every time.

It's a bit more pervasive than that. I really believe in what the kennel is trying to do for these dogs, but I am constantly made to feel like I am an ineffective owner,

surreality

@Cupcake Oddly, I see this more from volunteer rescues than even from vets. Especially when the volunteer is not an animal trainer or a professional in an animal-related field.

Part of it comes from just 'loving the animals' (not in any creepy way) and that often enough includes a lot of extra spoiling that is often very costly for a minimal, if not outright questionable, benefit.

For instance, the rescue we got our cats from years ago 'recommended' a cat food that was over $50/bag and it'd last at most 2 weeks. Even our vet called this complete and utter bullshit, and recommended healthy options that would be much better for our cats by far that was less than half that.

Try not to take the snobbery to heart, which I know is easier said than done. A lot of people will (often uselessly or counterproductively) spoil their pets, especially rescues that may have been poorly treated by their former owners, as some sort of 'who loves their baby more' competition, or as a way to sling some shade at or render a condemnation of the previous owner's poor treatment or abandonment of the pet. This all leads to a whole lot of incredibly silly behavior, in the end.

Caryatid

@Cupcake Rescue folks very often veer into snobbery in regards to the animals. I've been considering getting a dog, I have a background of training therapy animals for outreach programs, and twenty-five years of happy pet ownership under my belt. Several of the rescues in the area that I've contacted will not adopt to me because I have a young teenager who's never had a dog, because I live in an apartment instead of a house with a fenced yard, and because I am not home all day since I have to work.

Then they go to Facebook and complain they can't find anyone "suitable" to adopt the dogs they're fostering, and blame the general public for wanting to support puppy mills and backyard breeders.

Ghost

This. Precisely. It's snobbery. It's the concept that an alleged good dog owner meets a shitload of criteria and approaches dog ownership with all of the time and energy of raising their own child.

So, if you can't afford to pay $10 to cut a dog's nails, then fuck you negligent dog owner. I assure you she was thinking more about the dog, but being no different about it than any other pushy person because dogs should not suffer your economics or some shit.

Social dominance and supremacy, yo