Posts made by Catsmeow

@surreality

It's the internet. Right now some guy is in a chat room convincing some girl that he has a camera in his head that does just that. She shall run off and tell her friends about this really neat guy she met online. Because no one lies online.

@surreality said in RL things I love:

@Auspice That sounds like it is a moment like the kitten era broccoli moment: goddammit why do I not have a video camera built into my brain so I could have recorded that adorableness to share with the known world!!

I feel this way about so many many things. Like hahaha you idiot I told you that would happen and you did it anyways to awww so fricking cute.

Then I realize, I don't want to be someone else's cam show of stupidity. Like the idea of getting my wisdom teeth pulled is less about the pain and who I can trust to be around and drugged up. #PleaseDon'tMakeMeAViralStar

@surreality

To be fair, you can't blame your family for screaming at you that they know what's best for you medically. Especially if it has no bearing on them or they have never gone through it.

They learned this from watching politics.

(Obviously I'm making a joke here)

But yes, people do forget that you can deny medical tests and procedures. I always ask why it's needed, what happens if I don't have it, what happens if I do have it, etc. As well as I let them know if they try to force my hand, I'll get as many second opinions as I want until I feel informed.

To be fair though, I speak medical terms and understanding; so unfairly I get a different doctor/hospital treatment.

@Thenomain

My personal reluctance comes from personal stuff. However, that said. If you talk to anyone that I have spotted with an illness or has one; my first question to them is "Have you seen a doctor for medication?"

There is NOTHING wrong with taking meds. I have tried them but they trigger all sorts of bad in me emotionally and I just react wrong. I even continue to try.

Zoloft made me unstable and insane. I went through my month and a half and the whole time I felt like I was losing my mind. I told my doctor and they agreed with me to try talk therapy and not drugs for now. I got the suicidal reaction but only because I felt like I was taking a drug that was supposed to help me; and it made it worse. So how was my life going to be, blah blah.

As well I have the added fun (and others do too) of having MS that completely alters my brain chemistry because of the lesions on certain parts. There are sadly not a lot of medications that also have an MS study. So some anti-depressants/anti-anxiety flare my MS. Some have the opposite affect because oh that area of my brain is affected in a way that wasn't expected.

Brains are awesome but they are weird.

In conclusion - I agree that everyone should go the medication route if they can. Also, if they can't, they should find what works for them.

I understand the want not to take meds. I have the same issue (not the awesome lawyer thing) but my mother was an addict. So I try to avoid drugs because I don't want to go down that road. So I can understand.

Even if talking/venting doesn't help. I'm cool if it's needed. Even if we are total strangers.

@surreality

I get that. I was in the hospital and they were running all these tests. I felt fine and was making jokes with nurses. It was just this weird unexplained thing going on. All my tests came back clear and good. I was just waiting for the neurologist to make his rounds. The nurses had my discharge papers ready and everyone was waiting for me to clear out. In fact, my friend was waiting to drive me home (I was having vision issues).

The doctor walks in and I /knew/ something was wrong. He looks at me and asks "Does lupus run in your family?" Not what we were expecting. Then he nodded his head and said. "Yeah, you are going to have to stay a week. I think you have MS. Tomorrow I need you to have another MRI and a lumbar puncture."

There was just silence in the room after he left as my friend and I looked at each other. It was a definite WTF just happened. The nurses were stunned too. There are moments I still go back to the 'is this really really my reality'?

That's why we talk about things in safe environments and support groups and reach out. So again - My PM box is open. As I like to say -- If you feel like you don't got this, it's okay because we got you.

I go back and forth in the phases. In truth, that's how grief process works; sometimes you go back a step. I like the denial step a lot. I'm all like, I can do this. Then I do too much. I like when I"m in the acceptance step.

However, really we are here for you, well I am. So if you need to vent there is a PM button up there. Just let me know first if you want me to listen and shut up, or if you want me to silver line the dark cloud.

Double post because I don't want to be like yay you -- so about me in the same post or anything like that. I'm sure y'all understand.

We have a hobby that has a large number of people with mental/physical/emotional issues. I think that most of us when confronted with this knowledge do the whole: "ahhh yeah that makes sense now" sort of moment. I also think that we adjust accordingly when we know.

It is one of those things that still make me sad. It makes me sad that we still worry that we are going to be judged unloved, unwanted or broken because of whatever disorder has hold of our lives. Talking about it and making it personal to someone we know I think is the only way to combat it.

My problems with MU* and my hobby aren't other people, they are my own body. I know that fear of stigma because you don't want to be known by your disability or your struggle. A few years ago (and out of the blue) I was diagnosed with MS. Now, this isn't a mental disorder exactly, but it sort of is. My immune system attacks my nervous system and creates lesions to make it that it doesn't function the same. I don't always know how it's happening or when it's happening. My hands will go numb. I will get so exhausted that I sleep all day (through scheduled events/promised RP/etc), my emotions don't always regulate, I forget things, cognitive functions don't work they right way, I forget words, and forgot how to do things.

I admit that I look like an asshole when I sleep through a scene and people are like where were you? Or if a huge scene is like a person, I might cancel it to go sleep. However, sometimes I know I'd rather look like an ass then a lot of other fear that comes with having a diagnosis of something that cannot be cured. I ask people overly bluntly if I"m being an issue, it's not because I'm needy - it's because I know I can't always self-regulate what's going on. I don't see it until it's pointed out to me. I get panic/anxiety if people won't talk it out with me or just say 'it just is an issue and I won't explain' because then I'm not sure what went wrong. Anxiety also causes relapses - as does when my core gets too warm. So my happiness over stupid cardio is because I can do it without relapse. Though sometimes walking 30 minutes on a treadmill makes me sleep for a day and half.

I think the jest of my post is that a lot of us are still grieving our diagnosis. We have to redefine our real lives and having to redefine our hobby as well, might be a bit too much to admit to. We aren't ready. You do have grief and all the steps when you get a diagnosis of mental health as well as terminal things. You have grief over the life you wanted. So when someone is being a douche or blowing us off or whatever and we are getting legitimately angry and hurt; maybe if we paused more and said 'Hey this is coming off as X is that how you meant it? Or hey you are blowing off a lot of scenes is there something I can do to assist' we might go a lot further as a community. A lot of people are out there struggling with things that others don't know about.

Anyways, I suppose I'm just rambling. Less than 3's to you all.

@Auspice

Thank you for feeling safe enough for sharing with us. I want you to know that I am touched as I know it is a hard thing; more so if on the spectrum. I also want to commend you for taking a brave step that has to do with anxiety. More importantly, and I want you to read this a few times. --- I do not think less of you.

I want that to sink in and I want you to breathe easy.

I'm going to double post because I want this to be a post all about you and your amazeball to share through such things.

I don't fully agree with the statement if they can't understand or won't fuck off they weren't real friends anyways (paraphrasing).

I have been on both sides of this issue. I have been the person that was like 'whoa dude not okay' and been the one that was told 'whoa dude not okay'. It doesn't mean someone is/was less your friend because they feel for some reason they have to safe guard. It's like a twelve step program. When you did something and go 'fuck I'm sorry' it doesn't mean they have to be 'It's all good man, it's cool". Most will. But it's not the person that was 'wronged' fault if the opinion doesn't change. It doesn't mean they are the bad people either. They have to see the behavior pattern has changed.

Its a step towards mental health to accept what you have done (good or bad) and be okay with what happens. It's not easy. It's completely not easy, but it is a large step towards health.

In MU* world, yeah it's hard to erase what has been said or done. It's like that IRL too, though. Most people, even those still like NOPE, will start to pay attention if the behavior actually alters. We've all gotten apologies from people and they did the exact same thing next week or next month. So just be you, Honey Boo and most will probably see it.

I effing LOVE tea. Coffee I am not a huge fan of. Tea, yes. But I'm a tea 'purist' I don't like stuff in it. I like it with water and leaves. That's it.

Also @Thenomain - I'm moving in, k?

@Ganymede

Sooo... if you get single, wanna come over?

@Auspice

If you have a firm mattress it is actually worse for you to sleep as it doesn't 'give' enough.

@Admiral

In my non-medical opinion, it sounds like you pulled/strained your intercostal muscles. If you can, go to a massage therapist and ask for rib work. It will hurt like a mofo, but feel better when done.

I like to think myself a rational (usually) person. I'm not a crier IRL. I'm pretty calm IRL and laid back about most things. Until the dentist.

I break out in a cold sweat just entering. I put my nails in the arms of the chair and I start to cry and panic just being in the chair. Soooo.. yeah, I put off dental work. Which is actually horrible because it's the worst thing to put off.

We use to give the crafts board love. Then we went to PMs and then it died.

So we could put cooking stuff there.

Also... and PLEASE do this..

Whomever is invited to stay. Write it out and sign the agreement. It can be as simple as X stays X month(s) rent free. This will be re-evaluated on X date. Then have the parties sign it.

If not, you might find yourself in a legal squatter's rights issue and a pain. Now, most people are good people, but you need to defend against the other. A good person will have no issue signing an agreement.

I hated stuffed peppers as a kid and would refuse to eat them. Now as an adult (I think I am one?), I nom nom nom the hell out of them.

I'll be honest. I tend to use whatever is left over and that goes in the meatloaf. It's sometimes (for me) one of those 'kitchen sink' meals. If I'm buying stuff I tend to do pork and beef. Sometimes I even bacon wrap it because YOLO.

I'm originally from MI and it's how I learned to make it. Maybe it's a Midwest thing? It keeps it nice and uniform, etc.

Still -- who has my pan?!

You think to yourself.

"Self, I shall make a loaf of meat. I haven't done that in forever. It will be dinner. It will be epic."

You pull out all the things and hum to yourself. You are short so you climb up on a large footstool to get your loaf pan, still humming.

Then you remember you let someone borrow said pan. You cannot remember who or how long ago that was, but it should have been returned.

There is a sad. So much sad.

*Although, I'll just 'form' it and bake it on a cookie sheet. It's NOT the same!!

@Admiral

They can't change your locks for you. It's part of your tenants rights. Nor can they go into your apartment without a written 24 hour notice. - I got hospitalized and have a dog. It was fun to get said dog out of my apartment. A locksmith wouldn't even talk to the landlord. I would have to be present.

They could have security swing by and see if it looks upset from the outside. I'm sure that no one has broken in. Deep breaths.